From the Editor’s Desk
On the Founding of This Paper
Readers may reasonably ask why a newspaper of record arrives at Volume 70, Issue 1. The answer is that the record required seventy years to catch up to its subject, and this institution was founded the moment it did.
The editor will disclose a professional bias. For most of her career she has relied on legibility — the read of a face, a preference, a hesitation — to close the distance between knowing a person and understanding one. The subject of this paper resists the urgency of such a toolkit. She reads you first. She is thorough where others are quick and quick where others deliberate; she knows when to reach for the telescope and when for the microscope; she is formidable in a way that appears never to have been announced to her. Understanding arrived on her schedule, which the editor now concedes was the correct one.
The paper can date its own founding precisely. Some time ago the subject asked the future editor for assistance, and the future editor — citing inexperience, in a smaller voice than she would like recorded — took a long time to answer. The subject did not accept the citation. “I think you can do it,” she said, and so it was decided, the way things are decided by her: once, quietly, and correctly.
Readers of this page’s corrections box are advised that its final notice was not written from theory.
What followed is in the archive: collaboration across two states and several trout rivers, edits delivered with hearts appended, and a standing revision policy of “I love it” that this desk, on occasion, misfiled as flattery.
The Record
Corrections & Notices · seventy years in arrears
CORRECTION — Prior coverage in this region gave respectful space to the consensus view that an all-white winery could not succeed in Zinfandel country. The consensus has requested its name be withheld. Granted. The record now reflects the minority position of one.
CORRECTION — This paper previously characterized the winery’s annual sell-out and winter closure as a “problem.” On review, it was a forecast. The paper regrets treating demand for her wines as anything other than the earliest available evidence.
RETRACTION — A 1990s remark concerning a winery named for a k.d. lang song was previously filed as “patio talk.” Reclassified: channeling. The stars desk notes the prediction was received, not invented. Mr. Tipton declines the credit accordingly.
NOTICE — This paper’s Wine Report of August 1956 predicted the Grenache family had a future in California (see the 1956 report). The forecast is hereby confirmed, 99 points’ worth. The paper accepts no congratulations; it merely reported what the newborn already knew.
NOTICE OF RECORD — Mrs. Tipton has, to date, been right on all counts consulted. You are advised to consult your own memory. This paper predicts that, on inspection, you will locate a seed she planted and left you to water. Corrections will be returned to sender, marked “give it some time.”
Letters to the Editor
To the Editor:
Your front page reports the subject raised three sons through several relocations. I may be able to corroborate. I was awakened for some years by a song titled “Lazy Marshall Won’t You Wake Up,” by S. Tipton, performed off-key, daily, with a glass of juice. Please note: I did not appreciate this at the time. Also note: upon reflection, that was the point. I write also to formally forgive the matter of Toys R Us, which we were not going to. The record should show, however, that the cereal selection was outstanding.
A Reader, Portland
To the Editor:
As your paper reports that the subject knows everything, I am writing for answers. My questions are: (1) What treats do you have in the freezer? (2) If Pawpaw is a werewolf, why doesn’t he have fur? (3) ... and what’s your take on plastic straws? Please forward to Mrs. Tipton, who I am told answers questions like these in due time. Urgency would be appreciated, as school will commence soon.
A Reader, Portland (Age: Old Soul)
Projection Coach
Vocal volume lessons. Make yourself heard. L. McClain, Chicago.
5-Finger-Dining
The cheapest thrills this side of the Smokies. Learn the art of the steal from a pro you will fear. Must show proof of AARP or Chuck-E-Cheese Mmbrshp. M. “Johnny” Tipton, Appalachia.
Sue Sun-Times · Established 1956, Printed 2026
- Editor & Publisher
- Z. B. Tipton. Being blind both of time and of the mind’s eye, takes a stab at publishing something for once — a mere 16 years after receiving her B.S. in B.S. from the Univ. of Oregon’s S.O.J.C. Quoted as saying, “Deadlines are where ambitions fly or die.” Fingers crossed for a timely print.
- Senior Thinker & [Let’s Be Honest] the Real Editor
- C. Squiggle. Confirmed: It’s thinking.
- Junior Corroborator & Game Tester
- M. Tipton. He… helped.
- Subject & Birthday Girl
- Mrs. S. Tipton, who as subject, could not be solicited for fact-checking, security, or archives. Corrections expected. Address to: C. Squiggle, c.c. M. Tipton. Hearts appreciated, not expected.